August 19, 2009

The Unavoidable K-12 Years

I figured I could pour my sadness here because I worry I'll tire those around me about how I feel right now. I have two little girls and with my oldest I had a common transition in sending her to daycare as I had to work during her first years, then she went to an excellent preschool, but with our youngest, whom I've been able to be home with for 2 years, and has been with mom or dad most of her life, I am suddenly separated from since she started Kindergarten this week.

Monday was Oli's first day away in school and while I know it's part of our children growing up, sending her off to school really broke my heart today. The first day, Monday, was hard and we both struggled but we made it (mostly because my husband was there, thank goodness! I would've been a mother in tears and not the only one), the second day, I'll call it "Illusion Tuesday" as the day felt like it was all going to be okay from this point forward when leaving her in school. The day was perfect, Oli came home excited and she made some new friends. All was good! Today, Wednesday, the day which I will label as "Tricked Ya' Wednesday!", Oli screamed as I left her classroom – "MOMMY! MOMMY! DON'T LEAVE! MOMMY! DON'T LEAVE!!!"– the teacher of course reassured me she'd be okay and I know she will be but a thought kept pressing my heart...

We are somewhat forcing them to leave our side, when they aren't ready, separate them, and then when they are older, teens and young adults, we do everything we can to bring them closer. Part of me wanted to just bring her home, I know the thought was selfish, I just want her by my side as long as I can have her as my itty bitty baby. * Sigh * My girls are growing up so fast and I wish I could pause these years. Lately time feels like it's moving much, much faster than the previous years.

I feel so sad, I miss them so much. It would've been easier if I had taken her to preschool... like our Isa. I know it will get easier, it's just... I miss her and the house is so quiet without them here. Lastly, I'm sorry for the emotional exhaling, I know, I'm a big baby about all of this... Now give me a hug. :-)


devon spec said...

maria, this is the perfect time to have another. now go make an itty bitty baby.

Mrs. Maria said...

Haha! If only it were that easy! Well it is easy for me LOL... however we unplugged the cables after Oli was born. Don't tempt me, I'd have to do a lot of begging for Jamel to go under the knife for a reversal. LOL :-)