May 1, 2006

Entrusted

"To give over (something) to another for care, protection, or performance." Before I had my first child I hardly ever thought about death, about my health, about me really... life just moved on. You think that if something happens to you - everything will be alright.

The minute a child begins to grow within you this perspective changes - immediately. The minute that rice kernel begins to develop its human form you can't turn back time - you move forward and then all these feelings of worry are awaken. Feelings of will I be able to provide, love, care for, guide this little person I've been entrusted with? Then it faces you all the things that could happen to you or your child and how little control you have over it.

To my relieve Isa (my 5yr. old now) was born in full health. I am fully aware that this could change in a matter of minutes. I pray for my children daily and several times a day...

As Isa grew older the feelings of worry began to diminish, until I got pregnant with my 2nd child. Little Ollie gave us a worry which thankfully turned out to be a non-threatening heart murmur. We had done all the routine check-ups and all appeared to be good until we did her annual check up this past week. The cardiology doctor heard something else, an extra beat. He's pretty sure it's nothing or it could be PVC (Premature Ventricle Contractions) but it's hard as a mother not to worry - so I'm writing here and exhaling a bit my emotions of worry - and just as I am entrusted to care for this child - I entrust God with my worries - the worries that I have no control over. If I am entrusted with a child that will have heart problems I am fully prepared to do so. And I'm not being negative... I'm 99% sure little Ollie is healthy. But if that 1% turns out to be a negative turn in her health I am glad that we can provide (the way I thought I couldn't'), love (the way I thought I couldn't) , and guide her (the way I thought I couldn't)... I can do this! I trust me and my husband that we can care for our children - better than I could've ever imagined. :-)

I keep looking at my girls and I know I'm very lucky to be able to provide health care resources, among all the other things I can give them. I can't help to feel some emotional distress as I think of mom's and dad's out there who can't and wish they could. I think at this very moment I'm counting my blessings, too!

I'm somewhat sorry for being away and not posting for so long... below is a greeting card I made and I'll be posting another one very soon! Happy Monday everyone! I have missed blogging. :-)

4 comments:

- [ J o s c c i ] - said...

Life is a series of highs and lows. It is not how well we handle the highs but how we endure the lows that makes us who we are. Always have faith and know that YOU can endure this, just as you have everything else. God willing, things will turn out okay.

Grab on to hope with all your might and never allow yourself let go of it.

Jeff said...

I'm convinced of one thing. You're a wonderful mother and those little girls are really lucky to have you guys as parents.

God bless your family! :)

Princesa de Chocolate said...

Thank you! :-) Thank you! God willing! :-)

Jamel said...

Wow its been a long time since your last post where are you?